Motherhood - advice to myself

Leave the dirty dishes in the sink. Ignore the sippy cup full of clumped up, half-drunk milk. Avoid the piles of dirty laundry screaming your name. Live in the mess of your life with clothes strewn about and the unmade bed. Don't tend to it. Don't tend to anything except maybe empty the dishwasher if it makes you feel alive and like you are moving slowly toward something. Light the candle and fill your diffuser with orange and lime.  Turn the kettle on and make tea. Choose your favourite mug - the white one with the turquoise ceramic bird on it. Don't worry about the tea pot that ended up at the bottom of the stairs, even if you loved it. Even if it brought you joy. Remember they are just things. Focus on the game you made up with your three year old pressing each others foreheads and making silly noises then falling into endless laughter. Focus on the moments. Fleeting and beautiful. Sometimes breathtakingly hard. Leave the worry you take on like it's your job. Lay it down, even for a moment. Breathe. Have the Epsom salt bath and dissolve your armour. Soften the parts of yourself you keep hard so you can keep it all together. Release the mama warrior within after a night with a fevered child. Let everything you've been carrying dissolve into the water. Become reborn in this water. New. Fresh. Alive again.

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